SOUP DU JOUR

Dr. Wendy Ghiora-Posting #87-April 3, 2011 Compliments are one of the most extraordinary ingredients of that all-encompassing soup we call our classroom. If offered in the right way, they create so much positive energy; they make things happen almost as if by magic. When a praiseworthy situation is noticed, this awareness needs to be spoken. In other words, the compliment needs to be put forth into the world in spoken form. When we deliver praise, our students benefit from being the objects of compliments. Recipients feel great, knowing that we notice and value them. In this respect, compliments are powerful tools in motivating continued efforts. Compliments are little gifts of love. But they are effective only when they are sincere reflections of what we think and if they are given freely and not coerced. Compliments backfire if they are not genuine. In his landmark 1996 book, Punished by Rewards, Alfie Kohn makes four solid points about giving compliments and praise: a. "Don't praise people, only what people do. It's less likely that there will be a gap between what someone hears and what he thinks about himself if we don't make sweeping comments about what he is like as a person." b. "Make praise as specific as possible. Even better than 'That's a really nice story' is 'That's neat at the end when you leave the main character a little confused about what happened to him.'" c. "Avoid phony praise. . . . One symptom of phony praise is a squeaky, saccharine voice that slides up and down the scale and bears little resemblance to the way we converse with our friends. A four-year-old can usually tell the difference between a genuine expression of pleasure and phony praise, between a sincere smile and one that is manufactured and timed for best effect." d. "Avoid praise that sets up competition. Phrases like 'You're the best in the class (or for adults, in this department)," whose "most pernicious effects . . . encourage a view of others as rivals rather than as potential collaborators. What's more, they lead people to see their own worth in terms of whether they have beaten everyone else - a recipe for perpetual insecurity." Kohn supports each of these points with solid research. The reality is that there is always something a student does that we can make a compliment about. There is no harm in doing so and when done genuinely it can not only help the student feel good, but create motivation to continue their efforts. I know each school day is a busy one, and many teachers have 35 or more students in each class. However, I am convinced, if done sincerely and with meaning, the investment of time and energy to render a compliment, can result in significant benefits for the student. Here’s a suggestion; divide the number of students in your class by the number of days in the week you meet with them. For example, if you have 35 students and see them 5 days a week, you would divide 35 by 5, which gives you 7. List the names of 7 students for each day of the week. These will be the students you will give a compliment to on that day. Of course, don’t hold back those compliments you know you want to give to the group as a whole (I’m just saying). Stir the soup gently and thoroughly, sit back and taste the powerful changes you will see in your classroom. Enjoy!